Remembering her.
November 26, 2009
On Saturday, November 14th, one day following her ninety-third birthday, my Grandma finally let go of her ailing body, her fragmented mind, and her long full life as Josephine Scherer. She’s at peace now and free of suffering. I wasn’t particularly close to my grandma, but I loved her and always had this little desire to be closer to her. I missed her memorial Mass in St. Louis which ended in a filled church singing a slightly remixed Frank Sinatra song, “She” did it “her” way. Laying in bed with Tulsi tonight, my mind was flooded by silent films and stills of distant, nearly forgotten moments I shared with her and stories I know of her life. I wanted to take time to remember her. To honor her life.
My Grandma is holding my Aunt Michele. My mom is standing on the picnic table at the very top in the back.
Remembering…
…her voice — i’ll never forget her voice. it was the same when she was old as it was when she was a young mother: click the arrow to listen to Grandma’s voice
…the featherbeds she made for sleepovers in her front living room and the peculiar and somewhat scary nun-doll that stared at us from the corner coffee table. It had thick, rubbery ankles and opened her eyes when upright, and closed her eyes only most of the way when lying down. My Aunt Georgia was a nun for a brief moment in time. I don’t think Aunt Georgia wanted the doll anymore, and looking back, I think Grandma thought the doll kept us kids in line thinking a nun was always watching us.
…she lived alone, and after a visit, when we’d drive away she’d stand on her front porch and wave until we turned left on Meremac Street and couldn’t see her anymore. i always wondered if she was lonely there all by herself
…her phone number on Gustine Avenue..664-7673…even though she hasn’t lived there in years and years
…that one summer day when I was staying with Grandma Kostecki (who lived just down two alley ways); i think i was ten years old. she sent me to Pevely Dairy store to buy a half gallon of neapolitan ice cream. although it was in the opposite direction, i first walked to Grandma Scherer’s house to share some with her. i still remember how that really surprised her.
…how i added her name to mine in 7th grade: jennifer suzanne josephine kostecki, not because i thought she’d appreciate it, but because i admired her strength and determination and wanted to remember that as i went thru life.
…how she filled her drawers and cabinets with restaurant-sized packets of ketchup, fruit jellies and mcdonald land cookies, just in case she had to live thru another Great Depression. (i attribute this observation to me learning how to skillfully live thru art school with little money.)
…my mom owned a steering wheel and stick shift leather wrapping business — a birthday gift from my father one year. the summer I turned 16, I worked in my mom’s factory alongside Grandma, 40 hours a week. she sewed the knobs, i worked out the wrinkles in the leather. we shared a building with a dry cleaning business, and some days it would be over a hundred degrees inside. Grandma was my mom’s best sewer and she never complained of the heat, ever. i worked hard that summer, not only for my mom, but because i knew Grandma was watching.
…how once, a handsome priest from South Africa charmed her with his beautiful accent and word of God. i think he softened her heart a little.
…after retiring from two jobs (a bank and a department store), she was the “hostess with the mostess” at McDonald’s where she gave young kids free kiddie ice cream cones after she taught them to shake her hand while looking her in the eye. she walked and rode the bus there every day until she retired in her mid-eighties
…the twinkle in her eyes and how she’d smile and look to the side and down when you told her how nice she looked
…how her long fingers moved like graceful spider legs crocheting countless, multicolored afghans blankets
…the enormous tin of sorted popcorns next to her ‘lazy-boy’ that grew stale throughout the year because she ate it so slowly
…how she pinched my cheeks when she kissed me, every time we visited, both at hello and goodbye
…how she always said what was on her mind
…the time she said a really hurtful thing to me (which i now can understand, since i am a mother. it didn’t have anything to do with me but her worries as a mother), and how i carried it with me for years
…how i always longed for her approval
…at her 80th birthday party (a huge ‘to do’ in the Ozarks–Grandma LOVED her birthdays) how she apologized for those hurtful words from so many years before
…how much sweeter she got
…the day i showed her my book, how my dad explained that her granddaughter was a published author and how she smiled
…her famous salsa she made with her award-winning, mammoth tomatoes and how when she couldn’t make it any longer, my mom did, and still does
…the way her hands began to shake eventually and her mind faded
…stories of how when her husband died, she had 11 children to raise by herself. she had to learn to drive and worked nearly every day from then until her mid eighties. she always claimed she hated kids and yet it was her dharma. she raised those 11 kids, and in many ways, helped raise her 29 grandkids who are now raising her 31 great grandkids.
…i learned just a few months ago from my mom that Grandma was a ballroom dancer and a BELLY DANCER! i’m still in shock. i’ve secretly always wanted to take belly dance lessons.
…the red tint in my brown hair that shows in the sunlight and how i got that red from her
…how my mom has her mother’s wit, frugality and beauty
…how i thought she’d live past a hundred
One of my midwives told me that we all have a special, physical tie to our maternal grandmothers because when they carried their daughters — our mothers — in their womb, they were also carrying us — the seeds that would become us — because baby girls are born with all their eggs already inside. I love that. Thanks, Grandma. For carrying me and for just being you. I’m thankful for knowing you and all you taught me and will continue to teach me. I love you.
22 Responses to “Remembering her.”
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© 2010 jenny sue kostecki-shaw · coloredsock@mac.com · 575 586 1726
HELLO
November 26th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
blessings and light, to Josephine, sweet travels….
this is a beautiful tribute Jenny Sue….
she would be proud of your eloquence…
November 26th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
what a beautiful tribute to your grandmother…
November 27th, 2009 at 9:45 am
a very touching tribute. light and love to you and your grandmother.
November 27th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Your memories are so descriptive and beautiful and real. She sounds like an incredibly strong woman who faced enormous challenges with integrity. I’ll bet she was very proud of you. I hate that we are losing this generation and all of their stories and memories. It is great that we can share them and keep them alive. Thanks for sharing her story. (PS I totally love that organic link to our maternal grandmothers – never thought of it like that). PPS – wow you are blessed with a huge family:))
November 27th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I cried and laughed throughout this. You said it perfectly and I know, Grandma is proud of it! I love you, honey.
November 27th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
You captured mom and her legacy perfectly! I’m not sure what happened to that nun doll, but I always loved it. Do you remember the Buddha statue that sat on the end table? I always thought he was smiling at her… I think we were ALL more than a little afraid of her, but I think that somehow made us all strive just a little harder to ahieve something that woud make her proud. I know we all succeeded because she just loved to tell everyone she met what each and every one of us (including her grandkids) had accomplished. I cried and laughed as I read your tribute… you’re awesome!!
November 27th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I love you Jenny. you have a great heart for forgiveness, since I know firsthand how Grandma could be not so nice to some of her grandkids. She is in heaven now with Grandpa and 2 of her kids and her life was a legacy of work, frugality and love.
Mom
November 27th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Your tribute to grandma was wonderful–she truly enriched all of our lives and we will always have our memories.
November 27th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I loved my grandma so much and still do 30 some years after she has left us. But you know, all i have to do is think of her and she is here, right beside me..I can feel her. She helps me pick out which plant to buy when i ask for her help. She still loves Christmas, just like it do. It sounds crazy i know. But if you love somebody, you are tied to them forever thru that love. So you know what i mean! :)
November 28th, 2009 at 2:47 am
Your tribute to her nearly brought tears to my eyes and make me think of my grandma who’s so far away and aging so much…
Your memories are so intense! Thanks for sharing and letting us know her a little.
Love and hugs Jenny.
November 28th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Jenny, it is an amazing and rare gift to your grandma to have someone like you to remember her. I’m so glad to know you and have you as a friend.
November 29th, 2009 at 8:23 am
Jenny,
Mom taught us many things over the years; independence, work ethic, the importance of education, strength and tenacity but in her own way she taught me how to be a parent and grandparent and that love and support are important to us all. Surely, she was very proud of the accomplishments of her children and grandchildren.
Thank you for remembering and honoring her.
Uncle Paul
November 29th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Hi Jenny. What a beautiful job capturing the essence of Grandma Scherer! Surely, all of us, her children, our spouses, grandkids, and great grandkids can all relate. She was truly one-of-a-kind. Thank you for reminding us.
Love
Uncle Karl
November 29th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Jenny, I thought I was handling this whole thing quite well, until I read your tribute…
I’m very proud to have you as a God Daughter.
Love, Aunt Therese
November 29th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Jenny, I really loved your rememberances of mom. I ,too, thought that she would live to be 100 years old. I know that we all had good times and bad with mom, but remembering all she had to deal with after daddy died makes it a little easier to understand. We have her and daddy to thank for our wonderful, large family. Thanks for reminding us of some of the good memories of Josephine. And you are right, your mom makes some awsome salsa!!!! Love ya!
November 30th, 2009 at 6:36 am
Jenny,
Wonderfully said. You did captured her soul.
Love to you and your family,
Aunt Noda
December 1st, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Beautiful tribute Jenny. I’m saddened by your loss but from the outsider looking in can see all you’ve gained being part of her. The circle continues. So inspiring that your so present in the world around you.
December 1st, 2009 at 7:20 pm
hi everyone, i just wanted to say thanks for the beautiful comments and, to all my aunts and uncles and my mom, thanks for sharing. i’m sorry for your loss. i hope memories soothe your heart. i really hope that i get to discover more about Grandma from all of you in the future. losing Uncle Kenny so recently has been SO hard for all of us. i know he is just fine, but my heart still aches. it feels good to imagine Grandma, Grandpa, Cecile and Uncle Kenny together. i love you. jenny
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:58 am
Jenny, this was an exquisitely beautiful post.
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:07 pm
hi jenny, lovely tribute – my own grandmother is now 101 and is completely bed ridden, and being taken care of by my mother. my mum is now a mum to her mum. life comes a full circle and starts again. tulsi grace is beautiful. i just discovered your blog and your works. lovely. would love to connect with you! fell as though i already have.
- rajani
December 11th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Haven’t stopped by in a while. This is beautiful.
January 1st, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Oh what a glorious tribute to Grandma. Thank you for sharing these memories with all of us.
big hug,
Kelly