Photo above by (I think) Edouard Boubat from Motherpeace: A Way to the Goddess through Myth, Art, and Tarot, by Vicki Noble (AWESOME)

The past two weeks I’ve gotten even less sleep than usual, and I’ve felt more alive. Wild, huh? And I feel really happy, in a different way than my usual giddy-cause-I’m-Tulsi’s-mama-kind-of-way. All because I’ve been creating.

It’s like I’m finding myself again with my art. My art is the thing that sorta defined me before I became a mother (ha) — as much as any one thing can define a person. Then, all of a sudden, I was a mama — a new mama who had no spark to create anything ‘else’. I remember wondering if that was normal. (Was I still an artist, or was I now a mother?) Then that mama became a mama who struggled to create with deadlines in the wee hours of the night (to pay some bills). Then that mama became the mama, who suddenly felt inspired again to create art but had no time and little energy at the end of the day to do it — the mama who kept wondering, “how the heck are other mamas doing it?” And somehow … maybe with time or being more gentle on myself, or maybe with erasing any dividing lines between the two “me’s”, or simply feeling the purest desire to do both, I’ve become a mama who is also an artist — and making art. Whew! It is such a journey and a continual balancing act, I know, but I think it’s important to shout out a big thank you to the universe when life IS in balance, don’t you?

(The projects I’m working on, I can’t share until they are published…but it will be fun when I can!)

And I see how making art grounds me, like a full day digging in the garden, barefoot. And how it fills me, like harvesting and preserving enough food from our garden to last the whole winter. And how it challenges and grows me, like every moment I’m with my Tulsi — the fun, tough, and every one in between. And that it’s just as important for me to make art, as it is for Tulsi to see her mama doing what she loves. I wonder how being a mother will change me as an artist. It’s bound to…

I’m going to take some liberty to add to Ben Shahn’s “capsule recommendation for a course of education (for an artist)” : Become a mother. To anything. A baby or pet or horse or garden. Know what it’s like to take care of someone else first. To set your art aside for some time, if needed. To give all of yourself, even when you are exhausted and to trust and let go of yourself to become someone new.

For you mamas out there, I’m curious what you let go of when you became a mother, and did you find it again — or did it find you again?

We had our “last” winter snowstorm yesterday, and today is sunny and snow covered and magical!

I just finished this collage of the Taj Mahal for our chai book that we are self-publishing. I’m trying to catch up with Patrick, who is ahead on the writing, but it’s challenging with life right now. I’m trying to hold some sort of focus and keep up endurance on this project amidst everything else. Just gotta keep chugging along and thinking I can. Envisioning nothing but that. It’s wild how time becomes more sacred once you have a baby. And books! In general, they are labors of love, and add to that self-publishing (and allllll the time, no advance, $ investment, focus, love, and grit that accompany this path), and we’re talkin’ serious, love-a-la-labour.

Since we are still in the midst of this long journey+collaboration, I thought I’d share some things we are doing AND ask for ideas that might help … with ANY part of this process…organization, collaboration, mixin’ it up creatively, seeing the big picture — figuring out how to take a step back from an individual piece of writing or design (or the whole project) and seeing where things are working and where they aren’t…and trusting where to take it(!), knowing what to edit out (what would be interesting to others and what wouldn’t, being your own art director/editor/publisher, finding the right editor, budgeting, workin’ while being a momma…and wise words/insight from others who have self-published or worked on big, collaborative projects.

This is definitely a process that some day, we want to share all about, and hopefully inspire others to embark on. It is awesome for sure, but long and difficult also– just like a pilgrimage. Makes our title even more appropriate. I know there are MANY unwritten books out there that can’t find homes with a publisher for whatever reason, and, are ‘perfect’ for self-publishing. We chose this route for several reasons. Not only did our book not fit into the molds of several publishers we approached, we think our book is unique and realized that we wanted the creative freedom of self-publishing. Plus, we are excited and energetic about the whole journey of getting our book out to you — people we think would “get it”.

For those who don’t know, Patrick and I are collaborating on this travel-photography-art-recipe book, inspired by chai culture in India and Nepal, and our backpacking adventures, while researching it…thus, the title: Chai Pilgrimage. Process-wise, we are doing the following as we go:

- brainstorm sessions over fresh masala chai (for both writing and design); morning time is best.

- timed writings, list-making, idea-journals. plus, we wrote in journals while traveling that are a good resource.

- idisk sharing of writing and jpgs back and forth :: i’d love to dive into Adobe Bridge…anyone use it? would it be worth learning and using for this project? i keep thinking it would help us with the back and forth of each spread, chapter, comments, etc.

- a master layout of the entire book in adobe InDesign — jpgs of ‘finished’ spreads are inserted and pages yet to be designed are titled for now. this has really helped us a lot, especially in balancing design + subject matter, and seeing whole chapters come together. it’s also a HUGE help in editing down our immense material!

- we have a website going with a blog (that has slowed down for now since we are focusing more on finishing the book) to gain interest, feedback, contacts, and an ever-growing email list to announce our book when it is out. we also have plans for a ‘real’ website once our book is closer to printing.

- found a print broker who can print with a credible printer in India (!!!!)

- found a few possible editors (ideally it will be someone who has traveled/lived in India and ‘gets’ our book), and plan to test them out before hiring the right one

- looking more at page weight and book covers and binding to get an idea of what we want

- consulting with designers over type/fonts/size

- we found this great advice a few years ago, too

That is all I can think of right now. I think setting small deadlines and sticking to them would really help… And finding ways to be braver, take more chances in designing; and trust myself. But I know there is more insight/advice we would really benefit from! I just don’t know what it is to ask for. So, thanks in advance. I appreciate it! I know we can do it, and it will be awesome. Just gotta build some momentum again.

Been practicing. Surrendering that is. To time mostly. To the changes in my life since becoming a mother. With each day and night, no matter if it goes as planned or not.  To my art, in appreciation for completion, even if it took a week or more. I’m learning it’s much easier to swim along with the current. My arms get too tired trying to swim upstream. I’m seeing more and more that there are a lot of different creative ways of being.

I painted this image last week both for myself and as part of a collaborative project. I think it’s so important to make time for projects that I WANT to make happen — not just paying, contracted projects. Even when, or maybe I should say “especially when”, time is most precious.

After I typed in my last post about going on adventures, Patrick, Tulsi, Oso and I hiked down to the Rio Grande. Only a 12-minute drive across the mesa and a 20-minute hike down into the gorge, for an hour visit with a beautiful river. Total bliss, really.

Surrendering also, to the beauty and blessings that are abundant in my life. It amazes me that Tulsi gets to grow up in such beauty and nature.

I’ve been a little distracted the past few days scheming with Patrick for a randevu somewhere, an adventure somewhere south…Mexico, Guatamala, or even Southern New Mexico. Can’t decide quite yet, but my internal compass is pointing me towards some adventure or another. I think that’s why I was inspired to paint up that little dream doodle. Doesn’t that look so fun?

What else…OH–I went on a little spontaneous excursion Friday to Santa Fe to see Barak Obama speak. (He’s…hope.) I won’t go on, but I LOVE his idea for a 4 thousand dollars credit/year to any college student’s education in return for community service–local or even the Peace Corps. DANG! That’s awesome. Another little thing I remember was a challenge to every one, to be a better person. I just thought that was so cool. Anyway, I was smitten.

On an odd, but still political note: President Bush was at Hallmark. Too weird. When I heard it on npr, I immediately thought, “I bet none of my friends were allowed to attend!” (for fear of protests or smirks or some creative something—I was right.) My friend Jim just posted his report.

To add to the random mix of this post…I’ll share a coupla other things…
a huge music inspiration (new to me) which y’all probably already know about (I’m so slow on these fronts),

and this hilarious video that I saw at the ever-so-inspiring Andrea’s blog and just had to share further,

and my pal Oso.

BTW, where would you go if you had 2 weeks to take off for exploring purposes????

The second print I made today as part of a series of 3 prints based off a photograph I took of cacti in a greenhouse in Sikkim. The assignment was to start with a BW photograph and make 3 monoprints: the first (a reduction, taking away from a black plate), the second (starting with a clean plate and adding ink) and the last (a combo).

I’ll post good scans of this series after they are finished setting. The first of the series (not pictured) I spent WAY too long on–probably 3 hours. I used too much of one solution and not enough of another so the ink dried in areas, and I lost all sorts of cool textures and values. I made this print in 30 minutes, and it turned out so much nicer and fresher. Even though I’m just experimenting, I’m pretty happy with it. I like the marbleY ground, the krazy light in the sky and on the front cactus, and and just the oddness of the image…maybe a little bit like Dali’s melting clocks, but melting cacti… Anyway, I’m just having fun. It’s a complete renewal for me, and I’m not judging them whatsoever.

I have just a small moment this morning to post these photos from the show in Jackson, WY. It was GREAT. The opening was a bit slow, but I was so happy with how it came together. It always feels good to step back and look at (and enjoy) a body of work after you complete it. Lyndsay did an amazing job hanging the show (and stretching my 2 larger canvases–thanks Lyndsay!). Also, I was especially honored to show with Katherine Dunn. I have so much respect for her and her work. I fell more in love with her paintings after seeing them in person–she paints from her heart and soul. I am inspired by her playful, unedited voice recorded in her strokes and line.

Plus, I sold some work. It makes me happy knowing someone will be living with and enjoying my paintings…It makes me laugh a little, too, for some reason… I am posting my statement for my show below. It’s always a good challenge for me to write about my work, and I hope it helps you to enjoy it more. You can see the show up-close on my flickr page…For details and pricing, you can call the Lyndsay McCandless Gallery at 307.734.0649.

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Artist Statement 8/2007

In the past 5 years, painting has become my most consistent form of spiritual practice—in part because of the environment of where I choose to live and travel. Northern New Mexico is my home. I lay my head on the foothills of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains and look out onto a vast, untouched, prehistoric-looking landscape. Nature is my sacred space here, like it has been for Native Americans for thousands of years. It is open and quiet and still, with expansive skies that call me to breathe deep and full. India is quite different, yet it has a similar affect on me. It is home to a culture whose religious faith is evident everywhere you turn. Ancient temples, roadside shrines, holy rivers, and even images of deities painted on walls, create a landscape of sacred spaces. At the same time, excessive visuals, constant sounds and extreme smells over-stimulate the senses. Often during my travels, I fall into a silent reflection while otherworldly, circus-like films move continuously in the background.

In my paintings, I am creating a world inspired from all that I’ve experienced—a world where I can fly and play and find my own truth.

Around the time I began this group of work, our close community lost 4 young friends, all of who died suddenly. A lot of emotions and questions surfaced for me. I meditated on the paths our friends were traveling on in this world, and where they had gone from here. The first 6 paintings reflect these abstract thoughts. They happened organically—a lot of adding and subtracting—much like working with clay. It felt like I was following something until it revealed itself. Layers of collage are in my layers of searching. Although these are more abstract than my previous work, many of the same symbols are present—birds, circus tents, and circular shapes. While these symbols have different meanings for me, in part, they represent the passage of time, choices, transformation, and journeys.

As these paintings evolved, I began reflecting more on the path I’ve been traveling. Temples and tipis merged with tents in my landscapes, joining the worlds of India and Native American land, with my imagination. The paintings became less abstract, and more narrative and grounded, although birds still flew in skies inside temples. The place I ended with this body of work is different from where I started, but for me, they hold the same intention.

Whew! I’m finished! These small collages are the final installment for my show at the Lyndsay McCandless Contemporary Gallery in Jackson Hole, WY. The opening is this Friday, August 3rd, from 5-7 pm. I’m showing with Katherine Dunn, an amazing painter and friend. If you are in the area, please come by! You can view all my work in the show on my flickr page.

I’ll be teaching a workshop at the Art Association in Jackson, August 6-10th. Then I’ll be heading home to meet up with Patrick, Oso the dog, and my brother Joe for a 6-day backpacking adventure in the Latir Wilderness (aka: our backyard)! Yippppeeeee. It will be a much needed (and much deserved) retreat in total beauty.

Just sent off 10 paintings for my show in Jackson, including this recent piece. Such a relief! I feel MUCH less stressed than I have been for prior shows. I’ll have about 16 pieces in total, and as always, I’ll be working up til the buzzer rings.

It’s been really great for me to take this time–it’s been filling my spirit with new breath and opening up new worlds in my mind. Plus, it’s a good balance fro my book/illustration work. I have so many ideas of what I want to explore next…I love that about doing a group of work…how where you begin is a different place than where you end, and the place where you end is an opening for another beginning.

(check out the students’ work in the previous post–i recently added 3 new images.)

42 x 28 inches, mixed media on canvas

This is a new piece I did last week. It’s less abstract obviously, but I like it. I thought a lot about places I traveled to in India and dreams I’ve had. It’s much different than after the first day I worked on it. It seemed too controlled so I covered up most of the initial drawings with collage and paint, alternating between the two. It feels so free to work this way and it builds up the surface allowing interesting things to happen. And I felt like the image seemed to appear more organically.

Here is my most recent painting. I like painting on wood panels, so I tried just tacking a canvas to the wall, to have that hard, flat backing. That way, I could still be rough with it and not get line marks from stretcher bars. This piece is inspired by a small 8×8 inch study I did a few months ago. It’s acrylic, collage, and oil crayon. I used the pallete knife a lot. I’m in love with the texture it creates on top of the collage…and the oil crayon on top of that. (see details below.) The colors aren’t quite right in these photos, but it’s close enough. Boy, painting big is really fun…